OTTAWA — Federal Conservative Leader Erin O’Toole says there is “no place for conservatives” in the party.
O’Toole made the declaration in a statement today in which he lists the numerous ways that he has sought to make the Tories more inclusive and moderate since becoming leader in August.
“Our party believes it’s racist to oppose unwarranted mass immigration that offers no benefit to Canadian citizens. Canada’s oligarchs cry themselves to sleep at night worried they’ll wake up one day and no longer be able to suppress wages” said an impassioned O’Toole.
“And another thing, diversity and multiculturalism are key to our divide and conquer platform, and we model ourselves on the Canadian Broadcasting Corporation’s culture. Conservatives say that’s crazy! We can’t allow haters like that a voice in our party.”
A self-identified Platypussian O’Toole also announced plans to make it mandatory that all citizens carry a government issued Otherkin identity card and floated the idea of making it a hate crime for heterosexuals to refuse the sexual advances of the transgendered at which point the 450 CBC reporters in attendance burst out in cheers.
He also announced a name change to Justin and encourages everyone to buy a cool “Justin” wig or style their own hair to match.
