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John Lewis has lost its Christmas touch

It’s hard work being a grandparent in 2026. There you were, thinking that you’d earned some long-overdue rest, when all of a sudden you’re being propositioned by penniless grandchildren, whose few acts of decency are belied by a frustration that the Commons has once again quashed their hopes of euthanizing you. So what are you supposed to do? The answer — at least, according to John Lewis — is this: put on your finest cashmere and jump on a rickshaw.

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