Karl Marx to Resign, Ditch Legacy Due to Sexual Misconduct

The father of scientific socialism and an inspirational figure to many leading Democrats, Karl Marx has announced that he is resigning as a seminal thinker and is asking all his followers, especially women, to forgive him and forget his doctrine of class conflict and communist internationalism due to allegations of sexual abuse of his female aide and a criminal conspiracy to cover it up.

  • BillyHW


  • Clink9

    It’s also a little known fact he always left the toilet seat up.

  • Solo712

    Actually, this was gossip which suddenly appeared in the 1960’s. Historically, the rumour that Helene Demuth’s son was Marx’s offspring has a single source, and is based on a secret confession Engels supposedly made to her (and no-one else) on his death-bed. I was never convinced and even if Freddy was Marx’s bastard, it would not have been Karl’s biggest f*ckup in my book.

  • WalterBannon

    None of this would be a surprise if true…

    Marx was a Marxist, which is the same as saying he was a douche.