Fearful Californians Prepare For A Nuclear Attack: “A Lot Of People Will Be Killed”

With each passing day and each new ICBM launch from a seemingly unhinged North Korean dictator, the fears of an attack on the U.S. mainland, though faint, increasingly weigh on the hearts and minds of Americans, particularly those in California.  As The Guardian points out today, those fears have even prompted a group of California public health officials and emergency responders to gather for a strategy session with Hal Kempfer, a retired marine lieutenant colonel, to discuss which areas are the most likely targets and how citizens should respond to an attack.

  • Cat-astrophe

    Well now, California (which in nearly wearing big boy pants all on its own) must begin its own negotiation with Lil Kim immediately.

    They must distance themselves from mean old Trump.
    Denounce the outcome of the First Korean war and begin to publicly barrage the NK team with beautiful non-threatening letters and pamphlets showing them that they are totally able to understand Lil Kim’s position on the Peninsula, because it is the same position that poor old California is in with the rest of the USA.
    Of course any correspondence will need to be carefully constructed using the “Positive Words Vocabulary Word List” available to all wishy washy whimps, and sprinkle the page with positive Emoticons.
    Of course it goes without saying an immediate technology free trade pact would help smooth the coming wrinkles in the pan….

  • Brenda

    I’m personally ok with the idea of being incinerated instantaneously, but to die of radiation poisoning, or starvation, or dehydration, or from the resulting vigilante violence … not so much.

  • Uncommunist

    The coordinates to these hypocritical douchebags would be a good start:
    Sean Penn

    Rosario Dawson

    Gaby Hoffmann

    Miley Cyrus

    Danny Glover

    Spike Lee

    Richard Schiff

    Seth MacFarlane

    John Densmore

    Ben Folds

    Shailene Woodley

    Jena Malone

    D.W. Moffett

    Tim Robbins

    Dick Van Dyke

    Neil Young

    Quentin Tarantino

    Heather Matarazzo

    Mia Farrow

    Daniel Craig

    Tommy Castro

    Joan Baez

    Art Garfunkel

    Mimi Kennedy

    Stephen Bishop

    Lil B


    Jello Biafra

    Alyssa Milano

    Lucinda Williams



    Sarah Silverman

    Dave Matthews

    Marshall Crenshaw

    Donovan Leitch

    George Lopez

    Sal Masekela

    Breckin Meyer

    Tommy Chong

    Graham Nash

    Mark Ruffalo

    Danny DeVito

    Brendan Hines

    George Lopez

    Elvin Bishop

    Margaret Cho

    Bill Maher

    Maura Tierney

    Susan Sarandon

    Killer Mike

    Red Hot Chili Peppers

    Jonathan Sadowski

    Ben Foster

    Meshell Ndegeocello

    Dan Campbell

    Jon Foster

    Adam McKay

    Ronda Rousey

    Will Noon

    Justin Bartha

    Mehcad Brooks

    Reid Scott

    Shepard Fairey

    Zoë Kravitz

    Justin Long

    Ezra Miller

    Patton Oswalt

    Bonnie Raitt

    Jonathan Sadowski

    Belinda Carlisle

    Matthew Caws

    Alex Ebert

    Steve Earle

    Kevin Nealon

    Wayne Kramer

    Juliette Lewis

    David Koechner

    Holt McCallany

    Breckin Meyer

    Thurston Moore

    Alex Karpovsky

    Meshell Ndegeocello

    Graham Nash

    Jeremy Piven

    Michael Moore

    Shira Piven

    Michael Stipe

    Oren Peli

    John C. Reilly

    Nikki Reed

    Loudon Wainwright III

    George Wendt

    Wil Wheaton

    Steve Wozniak

    Hans Zimmer

    Vampire Weekend

    David Koechner

    Josh Hutcherson

    David Crosby

    Jackson Browne

    • Slickfoot

      George Lopez twice… fuker deserves it twice.

      • DavidinNorthBurnaby

        I see where Graham Nash gets it twice too. Good.

  • just_one_Sewer Rat_guy

    Not a problem. There will be loads of illegal immigrants who can use the white privileged supremacists there as shields.

  • Norman_In_New_York

    How to handle an incoming ICBM attack? Lean forward where you are seated, place your head firmly between your legs, and kiss your ass goodbye.

  • Hard Little Machine

    Only gay transgendered illegal Mexicans will be allowed into bomb shelters

  • Jabberwokk

    On the plus side democrats will never win another election. The voter base just got deleted.

    • joespook

      Es verdad

  • Watchman

    The mormon approach might be the best approach: ensuring that you have a three month supply of food and water at home. Combined with defensive measures to ensure that only your family will use it in times of scarcity. A high altitude nuclear air burst EMP will destroy much of the means to transport and even produce food in a huge footprint under the burst.

    This threat is magnitudes greater than the threat of any global warming to any country, except where the country is already a non-mechanised subsistence agricultural society. To prevent millions of deaths and limitless anarchy every country must prepare for this as this is a greater threat than pretty much any other threat except for a bio-warfare attack.

  • WalterBannon

    Nuking Californians a good thing

    • Minicapt

      Urban renewal?


  • Maggat

    “how citizens should respond to an attack”. Bend over and kiss your ass goodbye.