This Doctoral Student Identifies As A Hippopotamus ‘Tranimal,’ Says It Makes Him Feel ‘Sexy’

The key aspects of culture that help us define our origin, purpose, and identity are lost. As a result, so are we.

In an article published in a peer-reviewed academic journal, a PhD student at the University of Arizona claims he identifies as a hippopotamus. Yes, you read it right. A hippopotamus. If you’re waiting for the punch line, don’t hold your breath.

I guess the ever-growing list of 58+ human-based gender identities just isn’t inclusive enough to escape the realm of pure bigotry and discrimination against “tranimals.” That’s why Florentin Felix Morin argues in the Journal of Theoretical Humanities that his hippo identity allows him to defy traditional gender norms and break free of the constraints that “govern human bodies.”

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  • mobuyus

    Take him to the Limpopo River in Africa and toss him in with a herd of hippos and see if they will accept him as one before we do.

    • He must learn to live among his own kind!

      • bob e

        as other 200 lb girls do .. plus size hippos

  • Alain

    Dare one venture to ask his weight?

    • DavidinNorthBurnaby

      About that of 1/2 Libby Davies.

  • andycanuck

    I wonder if his computer has an open tab right now of the dancing hippo in Fantasia? It’s not tentacle porn but it will have to do.

  • ntt1
    • He does not look very happy.

      • ntt1

        he is dreaming of galloping free across the veldt

  • CodexCoder

    If you haven’t seen it already, look up Hippo Fart and watch the video. Add some amusement to this obvious stupidity.

  • FantasyHippoLand

    ” PhD student “…

    Hmm. It’s time to look over what actually qualifies as one these days, ’cause believing you’re a hippo, is not really “smart”. In fact, it is very stupid. Stupid in the sense that you are a human and not a hippo.

    Now, if he believes this in his head and knows he’s not really a hippo, actually this is worse. Because now he is just mentally insane… with a PhD.

    Great. Now we have mentally insane people running around with respectable titles, telling everyone their fairy sprinkled beliefs… just great.

    • terrence22

      PhD = Piled Higher and Deeper

      As per ntt1, above: “a hippo leaves its water hole at night to browse , it eats several hundred pounds of browse then returns to the water hole. its huge quantities of crap sustain the entire ecosystem in the water hole including fish ,birds and gators.”

      So, we know what this “hippo” Piles Higher and Deeper

      • Clausewitz

        This may be the case where you use the phonetic spelling, “Fud”. Fucked up dissertation.

      • bob e

        that is great to know ..

  • And I identify as an orange-peel centipede airplane.
    So what’s the confusion? My neighbour in the padded cell next to mine says he’s a bulletin-board watermelon fork.

  • ntt1

    Useless factoids: a hippo leaves its water hole at night to browse , it eats several hundred pounds of browse then returns to the water hole. its huge quantities of crap sustain the entire ecosystem in the water hole including fish ,birds and gators.
    I have a distant cousin in south Africa who was mauled by a hippo after he tried to boot it off the track he was driving on.it broke his leg as it tossed him over his jeep
    They are not cuddly at all.

  • canminuteman

    See the story “and that’s why I am never hiring a liberal arts grad” on SDA.

  • Watchman

    Is this a sign of a hidden anger against his fellow man? Hippopotami apparently rank #5 in the top ten most deadly animals. http://www.animaldanger.com/most-dangerous-animals.php

  • Minicapt

    If he wishes to enter politics, he have to improve his game:
    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rhinoceros_Party_of_Canada_(1963–93)

    Cheers

    • bob e

      he can claim animal racism & hippophobia ..

  • Frances

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AjnOj9O16_I

    And here’s his theme song.