Lost Tourist Says Monkeys Saved Him in the Amazon

In the Bolivian Amazon, where vast rivers wind endlessly through mountainous terrain and a thick blanket of fog creeps through the trees, the locals say the jungle can swallow you in a second. Venture too far and you may never find your way back.

  • Shebel

    Monkees can save Everything including the Planet. Just ask their relatives–
    Obama , Kathleen and Justin.

    • Ah yes, The Monkees: Peter, Micky, Davy, and Michael.


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  • The Butterfly

    Thank God he didn’t get lost in Chicago.

    • Maggat

      Monkeys everywhere.

  • The whole story was bizarre. I almost created a new category called “Total Bullshit”.

  • One word: compass. (And topographical maps if you can get them).
    But if you go out at night you’re not lost, you’re just stupid.

    And monkeys will in fact “drop fruit” for you. For three reasons:
    1/ they throw fruit, twigs, and sometimes some pretty big branches if you’re trespassing on their territory
    2/ they’re sloppy picky eaters — they often take only one bite out of the fruit (the tastiest, ripest part) and throw the rest away
    3/ If it’s a hard-shell fruit, they drop it on the ground so the shell will break — later the monkey will descend from the canopy to retrieve it (which is usually when monkeys get eaten by jaguars and other predators who are often hiding and laying in wait).

  • Shebel

    fuck you

    • Don’t feel bad — I had to look up the spelling to make sure I got the plural right!

  • Alain

    He should be thankful they were not sand monkeys.

    • Shebel

      I just don’t like being told to sign for no fucking reason. Sorry.

  • Shebel


  • Watchman

    So, he didn’t have an Amazon Prime subscription to get him delivered safely to home, and so had to rely on monkeys?

    • Shebel

      I was about to get Yappy— but I have total control of my immorality and irrationality.
      I just don’t have much of a memory.

    • Shebel

      He has obviously lost his Bible.

  • WalterBannon

    why didn’t he just call uber

    • Shebel

      Probably forgot that he had a phone in his pocket.