EPA To Alaskans In Sub-Zero Temps: Stop Burning Wood To Keep Warm

In Jack London’s famous short story, “To Build A Fire,” a man freezes to death because he underestimates the cold in America’s far north and cannot build a proper fire. The unnamed man—a chechaquo, what Alaska natives call newcomers—is accompanied by a wolf-dog that knows the danger of the cold and is wholly indifferent to the fate of the man. “This man did not know cold. Possibly, all the generations of his ancestry had been ignorant of cold, of real cold, of cold 107 degrees below freezing point. But the dog knew; all its ancestry knew, and it had inherited the knowledge.”

h/t SM

  • tom_billesley

    Too many federal offices are in Washington DC. Move the EPA headquarters to Fairbanks AK.

    • terrence22

      Decimate it first and send those who have been part of the longest. But I expect it will get trumped

  • Exile1981

    I think the EPA rule mongers should be left in a remote Alaskan cabin for 3 months with instructions not to burn any wood to keep it warm,

    • ntt1

      they are gonna be trumped

  • ntt1

    Saw this coming to rural bc too . I went over to a pellet stove three years ago partly because it guarantees a minimum 12 hour burn between loads and partly because of its efficiency produces very little particulates and smoke.
    i never had a problem getting an efficient high temperature burn going with my old log burning stove, but plenty of people don’t have a clue and clouds of blue smoke hanging in the trees is the result.

  • robins111

    Pretty sure there’s a gratuitous Fuck You EPA floating around somewhere.

    • Clausewitz

      Beat me to it.

    • Justin St.Denis

      I have several drawers full of gratuitous Fuck You (enter acronym of govt agency here). Am willing to share. 😉

  • Hard Little Machine

    Burn federal workers instead

  • FactsWillOut

    Alaska to EPA:
    “Bureaucrats will be eaten by bears.”

  • moraywatson

    Fuck the EPA! Burn the faggots!

  • Waffle

    “On a Christmas Day we were mushing our way over the Dawson trail.
    Talk of your cold! through the parka’s fold it stabbed like a driven nail.
    If our eyes we’d close, then the lashes froze till sometimes we couldn’t see;
    It wasn’t much fun, but the only one to whimper was Sam McGee.

    And that very night, as we lay packed tight in our robes beneath the snow,
    And the dogs were fed, and the stars o’erhead were dancing heel and toe,
    He turned to me, and “Cap,” says he, “I’ll cash in this trip, I guess;
    And if I do, I’m asking that you won’t refuse my last request.”

    Well, he seemed so low that I couldn’t say no; then he says with a sort of moan:
    “It’s the cursèd cold, and it’s got right hold till I’m chilled clean through to the bone.
    Yet ’tain’t being dead—it’s my awful dread of the icy grave that pains;
    So I want you to swear that, foul or fair, you’ll cremate my last remains.”

    • Clausewitz

      “There are strange things done by the midnight sun, but the strangest I ever did see, was that night on the barge on Lake Lebarge I cremated Sam McGee”.

    • Minicapt

      That’s what Tennessee does to you.


  • barryjr

    I notice all governments make rules that are against rural people who are usually opposed to big government and leave alone the big cities that usually support systems where the government does everything for people. Seems pretty punitive.

  • mauser 98

    ban heat & air conditioning in all gubmint buildings