Bad news, atheists. Federal Court rules ‘Flying Spaghetti Monster’ not a real religion

flying spaghetti monster

Tough luck, pastafarians. You’ll just have to go back to being annoying, dressing like pirates, and pretending to worship a wad of noodles without any of the protections of a real religion.

  • Seriously though – this could be a step in the right direction in removing false religion and [ahem] religions with political and totalitarian agendas from our culture.

    • Good point.

    • shasta

      Be careful what you wish for. Your religion could be deemed false and fair game for removal. It is much better to remove any government support for any religion.

      • I see your point but in the US the government is charged with protecting religious freedom – and that entails deciding what is, and is not, religion.

        • dance…dancetotheradio


        • dance…dancetotheradio

          I think some religions should be declared against their will.
          Then the ACLU could be summoned by the Democrats to fuck them up.
          That’s judo, Jerry, judo!

          • Actually, I’d rather have a “false” religion like the Flying Spaghetti Monster than Islam. At least followers of the Flying Spaghetti Monster don’t behead people.

          • tom_billesley

            Italy formally recognizes Buddhism and Judaism as religions. Italy does not formally recognize Islam as a religion.
            Viva l’Italia!

  • Drunk_by_Noon

    I was hoping that they would just “declare” atheism a religion.
    That would tie their panties into a wad!

    • Jaedo Drax

      if you read the ruling, atheism has been referenced as a religion a couple of times. I can’t be bothered to reread it right now to find them. I always read these sorts of rulings because the journalist usually gets the meanings wrong.

      • dance…dancetotheradio

        Reading the things we’d rather not.
        You are just like BCF who reads the New York Times so we don’t have to.
        You can’t believe how much we appreciate it.
        Mind you if someone puts up a link to a story and I think I can’t honestly comment on it without reading the source material then I do put in the time.

    • dance…dancetotheradio

      That’s a better starting point.
      We should declare more religions like liberalism.

      • luna

        Obamaism, Trumpism, …

        • tom_billesley

          Climate Change Observance?

          • Itself a cult.

          • luna

            Climatology? I think it’s more like Climatephobia.

        • What you said.

    • Jaedo Drax

      Nor, however, does FSMism advocate for humanism or atheism, which the Court acknowledges have been found to be “religious” for similar purposes. See, Kaufman v. McCaughtry, 419 F.3d 678, 681-82 (7th Cir. 2005); Jackson v. Crawford, No. 12-4018, 2015 WL 506233, at *7 (W.D. Mo. Feb. 6, 2015); Am. Humanist Ass’n v. United States, 63 F. Supp. 3d 1274, 1283 (D. Or. 2014). Those belief systems, although not theistic, still deal with issues of “ultimate concern” and take a position “on religion, the existence and importance of a supreme being, and a code of ethics.” See Kaufman, 419 F.3d at 681-82 (quotations omitted).

      for those that are interested in atheism as a religion.

  • If there really is a flying spaghetti monster, why does he let bad things happen to good people?

    • Justin St.Denis

      They overcook his likenesses?

    • I don’t know if I can provide any insight to the debate, but the way old-school Italians like to test their spaghetti to see if it is done is by throwing a couple noddles against the wall. If it sticks, it’s done. If it doesn’t then give it another few minutes. The reason it sticks to the wall is because of the starch on the noodle which forms after it is fully cooked.

      I had an entire wall of my kitchen decorated with noodles from throwing the spaghetti over the years. Proof that spaghetti does in fact fly? I’ll let Theologians answer that question.

      • tom_billesley

        Your kitchen wall will become a place of pilgrimage.
        Start charging for admission and for concession stands.

      • Al dente (to the teeth) is the method. If it is soft enough to chew, it’s ready.


        • Modernist! I don’t care what the instructions on your fancy package tell you. “Al dente” doesn’t cook it all the way through, the spaghetti doesn’t stick, hence a total failure at flying and the monster isn’t at all pleased. Plus he told me in a revelation that he prefers the fresh home-made noodles, not that dried stuff wrapped in cellophane.

          You are unworthy of wearing the holey strainer (btw “colander” is heresy — consult Minicapt below).

  • Justin St.Denis

    WTF?! A shard of sanity? Wow…

  • ntt1

    you will have to remove my colander from my cold dead hands.

    • Minicapt

      Colanders are heresy, only strainers show the true faith.


  • Mannie

    May the Sauce be with you. Ramen.