Piece of String Creates Hate Crime Panic

When the black studies student saw a piece of string in a tree, she did what any self-respecting black studies student would do: shriek racism.

The string looked like rope. And rope means lynching. And that meant within a few minutes of this Tuesday night discovery on the campus of the University of Delaware, the entire university community from the acting president on down was in a full hate-crime panic.

  • ontario john

    Oh my God! I have white string in my desk drawer, I’m a racist! Please help me Toronto Star.

    • JoKeR

      That is nowhere as bad as all those white supremist laundry detergent companies that tell you to keep your whites separate from all the rest!

      • Clausewitz


    • Clausewitz

      What if you believe in string theory?

  • roccolore

    Blacks are known to leave string lying around, then crying “noose.”

  • Reader

    When I was young, a piece of string on a tree had a special meaning.
    It meant someone had lost their kite.

    • Millie_Woods

      Heh! Sometimes a piece of string is just a piece of string.

      • mobuyus

        How long is a piece of string?

        • Millie_Woods

          In the postmodern world we create our own reality based on internalized preconceptions, so we’re free to see the string as anything we want to. Therefore it doesn’t matter how long the string is, so long as it tells us a story.

          • mobuyus

            That is the correct answer of course.

          • Millie_Woods

            I took string theory in physics ☺

  • simus1

    Relax everyone – black magic ….. oops make that white privilege magic. It cannot win if we all hold hands, sing, and share our stashes with everyone.

  • moraywatson

    Other racist situations for black-studies students to avoid:
    1. Harbours, with ships attached to the docks with mooring lines.
    2. Tug-of-war.
    3. Rodeos.
    4. Mountain climbing.
    5. Skipping.
    6. The outdoor drying of laundry.
    7. Brown paper packages…
    8. Reality

    • dance…dancetotheradio

      9. Work

    • eMan14

      Dental floss

  • Everyone Else

    Whatever the details, the emotion that fuels these overreactions is fear.

    The conversation about racism in America has been infiltrated by Islamic activists.

    Islam conquers through fear.

  • Ed

    God help them if they serve fried chicken in the cafeteria