You might be Mike Brown If…

“Really great energy from this crowd, glad to see everyone turn out and get it pumped up, glad to see MC tell me to get off the stage after 1.5 minutes because I said naughtyThought… Nice to see people getting together and taking a joke and not being touchy little bitches. Did I mention being White is so awkward? Ugh, man, I’m just like, so unsexy and bad at sports! Ah Denzel is so cool.

Interesting fact: I had decided that this routine was too ‘edgy’ and ‘shocking’ and also ‘dumb’ and a ‘low-blow’ but the kid who performed before me was a black guy talking about how the “Mike” Brown situation caused him to have hate sex with his white girlfriend (I bet she’s cute and not a pig!) That was when I decided that the audience was trash and not worth the extra urine I left on the floor of the bathroom.”