People’s Cube: Ban trees: sperm-spewing phallic symbols of male oppression – satire

A modest proposal to President Barack Hussein Obama, Father of Nations, Turner of Ocean Tides, Brilliant Genius of Humanity, Restorer of Science, Great Architect of the Greatest Economic Recovery and Gardener of Human Happiness.

Dear Leader,

I humbly write today to denounce subversive and counter-revolutionary activities of certain botanical bullies, which you may know as “trees.”

Each spring they discharge their filthy male gametes in the form of pollen all of the property of the Collective, most notably, the People™, thus exemplifying reactionary biological functions, promoting male chauvinism, furthering the relentless Republican War on Women, and sabotaging the glorious economic recovery of your making.

As such, in all justice and right reason, “trees” ought to be banned by law or executive order, in the anticipation of the Glorious World of Next Tuesday™…

  • Xanthippa Socrates

    Quite right – trees are ejecting their male gametes at us without our permission: that is the definition of RAPE!

    And don’t even get me started on rape seed! There’s a whole industry that’s based on and profiting from rape!!!

    • Surele Surele

      Xanthippa, you just killed me… can’t stop laughing.

    • Frau Katze


      Trees as “standing wood” could be interpreted as a phallic symbol, promoting the rape culture across this great collective of ours, especially on college campuses. I would expand, but I believe Rolling Stone is doing a cover article on the topic next month.

      • Minicapt

        And in a strong wind, they sway back and forth, like Big Swinging D!cks.


  • AlanUK

    Don’t even suggest it in fun…

  • tom_billesley

    Who has wood for my sheep ?….