People’s Cube: Ban trees: sperm-spewing phallic symbols of male oppression – satire

A modest proposal to President Barack Hussein Obama, Father of Nations, Turner of Ocean Tides, Brilliant Genius of Humanity, Restorer of Science, Great Architect of the Greatest Economic Recovery and Gardener of Human Happiness.

Dear Leader,

I humbly write today to denounce subversive and counter-revolutionary activities of certain botanical bullies, which you may know as “trees.”

Each spring they discharge their filthy male gametes in the form of pollen all of the property of the Collective, most notably, the People™, thus exemplifying reactionary biological functions, promoting male chauvinism, furthering the relentless Republican War on Women, and sabotaging the glorious economic recovery of your making.

As such, in all justice and right reason, “trees” ought to be banned by law or executive order, in the anticipation of the Glorious World of Next Tuesday™…