We Must Disregard Elections In Favor Of Opinion Poll Results – satire

by Ed Miliband and Isaac Herzog

unnamedBoth of our countries witnessed hard-fought national elections this year, elections that featured a striking similarity: in both cases, opinion polls leading up to the voting indicated the results were too close to call, with Labour holding perhaps a slight edge – only to discover on Election Day that the electorate had chosen decisively to elect our chief rivals. The discrepancy between the two sets of figures can mean only one thing: we must do away with voting and use only opinion poll results as our guide.

Our respective parties have already engaged in much of the post-mortem analysis, examining where our campaigns may have gone wrong, and why exactly the people voted against us. Such analysis has its place, but what we and our fellow left-wing politicians must focus on is working to reform the system to reflect what the polls so clearly demonstrated.

Aside from some acquaintances across the parliamentary aisle, neither of us personally knows anyone who would not vote Labour. Small wonder, then, that the election outcomes came as a shock – and a suspicious one, at that.

What thinking person could not see the manifest righteousness of our platform and policies when contrasted with the fear-mongering of our opponents? What rational citizen would knowingly choose a party with policies so flagrantly at odds with all that is good and right?…

  • The Goat

    I know people who actually think like this.

    • Certainly, Herzog is thinking like this. Millipede is probably not far behind on that thought. Leftists regard the world as theirs, and no one else has the right to make decisions concerning it but them.

      • Frau Katze

        They sure do. It is only barely satire.

    • WalterBannon

      every liberal and dipper

      • Minicapt

        Why do you always treat the Greens as if they don’t exist?


        • barryjr

          Anybody that has a retard for a leader like the greens deserves to be ignored.

  • Ron MacDonald

    According to Nanos, Canadians think Justin Trudeau walks on water.

    • WalterBannon

      with the proper application of electricity to that water we can make a flammable gas layer above it to immolate him…