The Highly Baffling Mystery of the Garland Shootings

News story excerpt:

Garland Police Department spokesman Joe Harn said there had been no credible threats in advance, and it was not immediately clear if the shootings were related to the event…

I applaud Mr. Harn’s open-mindedness and unwillingness to rush to judgment. After all, there are so many other obvious reasons two men might be inspired to attack this event. Here are my top ten theories:

1) They were sore that Pamela unfriended them on Facebook.

2) That’ll show Geert that you can’t go through the express lane with more than 20 items in Texas!

3) They told Geller to stop playing “Hotel California,” but would she listen?

Read more…

  • Martin B

    They blew away the terrorists and that’s what counts, even if they have to trot out some nonsense for the sake of public relations.

    • Frau Katze

      Exactly. The bad guys lost.

      • Surele Surele

        exactly; take no prisoners.

  • funny.

  • Uncle_Waspy

    #11) The gunmen were outraged that the mom from Family Ties went lesbo..

  • andycanuck

    Anti-Dutch racism rears its ugly head. Why are they the tallest people in the world?

  • Norman_In_New_York

    That sleuth in the title looks familiar.

  • RegularContributor

    Breaking news: The radical Muslims thought the security cop at the event was actually trans-sexual Bruce JENNER not Bruce Joiner!