IDF To Dismantle Settler Outpost ‘Tel Aviv’ – satire

The unchecked building in the outpost poses enormous challenges

“This settlement has long attracted radicals, but we are prepared to deal with that,” said Egoz Battalion commander Major Aryush Itinmi.

Jaffa, March 21 – The Israel Defense Force announced this morning (Saturday) it had received approval from the Ministry of Defense to begin removing the structures and residents from Tel Aviv, a Jewish settler outpost north of the city of Jaffa.

Clashes have taken place frequently over the last fifteen years when IDF troops attempt to clear such outposts, as radical settlers resist those efforts. The relatively large number of settlers in Tel Aviv means a much more significant undertaking for the army, but in the aftermath of an election in which right-wing parties won a convincing victory, ministry officials judged that they could afford to proceed with the move with minimal political risk.

Like most settler outposts, Tel Aviv was given a name straight from the Bible.

It has long been a thorn in the side of the government, attracting unpleasant characters and openly defying the cultural norms of the region.

Settlers from Tel Aviv play an outsize role in national politics, a fact that breeds resentment of Tel Aviv and of the thousands of security personnel necessary to keep those settlers safe. The Ministry of Defense itself has long maintained a large facility in a centrally located part of the settlement, as an indication of just how much security attention Tel Aviv attracts…

Related: Actually, Most Israelis Want To See Tel Aviv Nuked Also