Rodents to be given human rights under Green Party plans

Animals would be protected under human rights laws and new taxes imposed on nappies under plans to be considered by the Green Party.

The insurgent environmentalist party, which hopes to hold the balance of power after the General Election by winning up to ten seats, will also propose creating a fleet of hospital ships to serve the developing world, cutting the size of National Lottery prizes and banning the Grand National.

The policies, set to become official policy during a series of debates on Saturday, underline the radical ambitions of Britain’s fastest-growing political movement, which now has 55,000 members – more than the Liberal Democrats or Ukip.

  • zee

    Is that all rodents or only those who are party members?

  • Ho Hum

    I would give rodents more rights than Muslims

    • Maggat

      Are they not the same?

  • Drunk_by_Noon

    I hope the rats eat them all.
    The UK is hopelessly stupid when it comes to anthromorphising animals. I’m surprised they are not already a nation of furies.

  • Destroyer-Drone

    *Checks the article*

    “Her party plans to form an alliance with the Scottish National Party and Plaid Cymru to force a minority Labour government to spend billions of pounds a year more on welfare and abandon the Trident nuclear deterrence.”


    “Then, on BBC Radio 4, she raised eyebrows by suggesting that Britain should appease Putin by “letting him walk away with something” in Ukraine.”

    Alright, that’s definitely certified self-hating fruitcake material here.
    And this party dwarfs UKIP in numbers?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

    Welcome to Britain, that marvelous country where animal rights and fictive climate change worries an infertile population to death (as if they actually had any future generations left to begin with)!

    Oh I’m confident far-left snobs will vote for them. Besides, I’m sure some of my estranged relatives will consider these loons a vote-worthy alternative.

    Sick of this degenerate insular lunatic asylum, I deeply regret sharing any ethnic ties with these twits.

    • tom_billesley

      Unlike other parties, IMHO the Green Party is unlikely to get many more votes than they have members.

      • Destroyer-Drone

        I hope you’re right, where I live they’re quite a loud minority, but a minority nevertheless. Animal rights is a pretty big topic in the Yoo-Kay.

        • FactsWillOut

          Yeah, we know, what with Sir Paul McCartney and his fucking anti-seal hunt jihad.
          When you knight hippy-dippy hypocrites like McCartney and Bono, you know the end is nigh.

          • Justin St.Denis

            I stopped listening to Paul McCartney talk when I realized he looks like a Pez dispenser and sounds like an idiot. That was around 1985 or so. He can still rock pretty good, though.

            If I didn’t ignore what entertainers say, I would rarely attend a concert or watch a film or TV show. I have concluded that most entertainers are either stupid or in a bubble and simply not worth listening to. There are exceptions, of course, but they are very few and far between.

            Great talent is rarely accompanied by great intellect, if you’ve noticed.

            P.S. Chuck Berry was also an idiot. And a perv. But he could sure rock!

      • Brett_McS

        I was thinking the same thing. Definitely people within a bubble.

    • Justin St.Denis

      Many share your sentiments.

  • Brett_McS

    “…Ms Bennett, a former journalist from Australia…”

    Ha ha. That’s for dumping all those convicts on us.

  • ntt1

    mindless tokenism is fine until some of these policies get enacted. then hear the screams as reality seeps in. any cursory examination of green policy will show a dangerous eco-fascist hidden agenda and a tendency toward crushing government intervention. Under a green controlled government there would be massive loss of freedoms.

    • FactsWillOut

      Lucky for us, they are fiscal dufuses, so that the entire government would go bankrupt within a week.
      I remember the Quebec Greens campaigning on expanding healthcare, and free province-wide public transportation.

      • Justin St.Denis

        I remember that, too! Quebec journalists SHREDDED them/their candidates, more than a few of whom were certifiably insane. It really was funny. Ah, the good times!

  • disqus_PwGxBXHn8l

    Isn’t this really just a way for people to evade serious issues? It is a common feature of life in a looming crisis: Many distract themselves with foolery.

    Nations whose people don’t have adequate health care will enact human rights for apes. (Too bad it might not mean much for the ape.)

    Nations threatened with nuclear annihilation will decide to front chickenhouse fox survival. And dandelion survival. And Norway rat survival. As if these creatures, with above-average adaptability and genome to match need much help.

    No, really, it’s just a way of not putting plain questions before us, questions that risk plain answers.

  • Hard Little Machine

    Don’t worry. It’s just the last gasp of civilization before it all goes to hell under the black flag of sharia.

    • FactsWillOut

      Not to worry, WW3 will stop that from happening.

      • Justin St.Denis

        And the judicious application of permanent nuclear solutions, unfortunately. It has come down to that.

      • WalterBannon

        If the west is going to fall then we should take the whole rat nest with us. nuke them all.

        • FactsWillOut

          The west won’t fall.
          I think it’s gonna work out like this:
          Poor EU fiscal policy, combined with greater Muslim immigration will lead to a resurgence of “far-right” nationalists leaders in Europe, one of whom will start a pogrom against the Muslims, which will spread like wildfire through Europe. Europe will burn (again), and, as Europe will appear weak, other invading forces will get involved, probably North African irregulars (jihadists), and very possibly Russians.
          I would hope that Canada and the USA would align with the indigenous Europeans, but, as the NATO countries seems fully aligned with Islam(both wrt to immigration and wrt foreign policy), that seems unlikely, and we here in North America will be sold the idea that it’s a “civil war” of “far-right-wing fascists” against the sweet mutli-culti good guys.
          Given that the some Western armies will be fighting alongside the jihadists, this war could last a long, long time.

  • DMB

    As if Britain doesn’t have enough issues already. Now they will have to potentially deal with a rat infestation which will spread diseases wear ever they go. What about cats since they like to kill rats whose “rights” will be protected?

    • Norman_In_New_York

      This will certainly come as news to the cats, who may have to chase birds instead. Thuffering thuccotash!

      • FactsWillOut

        The Greens will import baby kangaroos to deal with the feline menace.

  • Human rights to rodents?

    Only outlaws will have rat traps.

  • Justin St.Denis

    My old uncle Albert in Perth said something hilarious to me about the Greens just the other day on Skype. “The only way someone can be ‘beyond reproach’ to the Greens is if they learned to drive their own puffy white cloud to get about.” Uncle Albert just turned 89 and is still sharp as a razor.

  • Maggat

    An awful lot of rodents (rats) are humans or, vice-verso.

  • WalterBannon

    Greens are rodents

  • simus1

    What about our free pot, you silly cow?