The Great Toronto Tunnel Mystery Is Solved – sorta

TORONTO — Toronto Police have solved the mystery behind the baffling tunnel constructed near one of the Pan Am game venues.

Two men built the tunnel for “personal reasons,” police said in a release Monday.

“Investigators have verified their account and are satisfied there was neither criminal intent nor any threat to the people or City of Toronto,” police said, adding the case has now been closed.



So that’s it, no Mysterious Mole Men, no Super Intelligent Gophers bent on a mission of mass destruction. Nuttin.

  • truthdareisay

    Well that’s a relief… NOT!

  • Uncle_Waspy

    So two guys excavated this hole for “personal reasons”? Sure, makes sense. They wanted some place more intimate than the men’s room at the downtown bus terminal.

  • Dennis Mahon

    “Personal reasons”? What are they – half-gopher?

    • WalterBannon

      a muslim weapons cache

      • Justin St.Denis

        Or a rape den.

  • Clink9

    Reasons so personal only the police get to know. No trespassing charges? To keep their names out of the media?

  • Dana Garcia

    “Personal reasons” ??

    Perhaps a spy-cam in the women athletes’ dressing room.

  • Drunk_by_Noon

    Has anyone here ever dug a tunnel for personal reasons?
    Maybe we are missing out.

    • Exile1981

      In a public park no less.

      • Drunk_by_Noon

        Wildcat mining operation maybe?

        • Exile1981

          Maybe they found the fabled source of pixy gold that all socialist utopias use to fund themselves?

      • Justin St.Denis

        Near Hamas University, too.

    • David

      When I was seven years old.

      • Drunk_by_Noon

        Makes sense, but not lately, right?

        • David

          After the trouble I got into for getting so dirty, no more tunnelling for me.

  • ntt1

    Maybe this is a new personal growth strategy.

  • Exile1981

    I predict not enough mosques in toronto as the reason they dug it.

  • John Guest

    Curioser, and curioser.

    Somebody owns that property, right?

    Wouldn’t you expect a journalist to be interviewing the owner?

    If the molemen aren’t connected to the owner, hasn’t a crime been committed? Is the owner at least going to sue? Wouldn’t real journalists want to know that?

    No names. OK , I imagine there’s a reason for that. What is it though?

    • It’s public land I believe.

      • Brenda2600

        Cannot light a cigarette in a public space; CAN DIG A HOLE? Suspect they were getting ready for the DPs of the Pan Scam Games!!! Does this mean anyone can dig a hole in a public park?

        • Justin St.Denis

          Seems to me they might be afraid of threatening the “financial success” of the frickin PanAmLossLeaderGames.

      • John Guest

        So it would be against the law to dig holes there then, right?

        Any charges planned? Why not?

  • Ed

    Homesick Gaza refugees?

    • That was my bet.

      • Justin St.Denis

        Homesick for weapons caches and rape dens.

  • cmh

    definitely muslims….no doubt now, none. will bcf please file a freedom of information request on this.

  • John Guest

    I wonder how big a hole I can dig on the Parliament buildings lawn without getting charged for something.

    • Justin St.Denis

      Perhaps Wiarton Willie could be enlisted to help answer that question. I believe Willie is genuinely CANADIAN.

  • Justin St.Denis

    And who are the two individuals, what personal uses did they have in mind, and what charges will be brought against them?

  • Edubeat

    Leafs escape route from irate fans for not getting rid of Phaneuf by today’s NHL tade deadline