Karl reMarks: World Agrees Hypocrisy Is Our Only Hope – satire

In an unprecedented realisation that represents global consensus such as we have never seen before, the entire world has awoken to the same epiphany today: hypocrisy is our only hope. A week to the day since the attacks on Charlie Hebdo’s office in Paris, and after an intense week of debate and argument, reality has sunk in for all Homo sapiens: we cannot ever hope of living up to any shared principles and we must embrace hypocrisy as our only hope of achieving global harmony.

The historic epiphany was experienced first in New Zealand as people started to wake up on the morning of January 14, and made its way across the time zones as people from Australia to Greece were having their morning coffee. In the words of a generic Christian from Sydney: ‘I woke up with a crushing sense of despair, I am tired from all the arguments and the bickering, then with the first sip of coffee I had this almost magical epiphany, if we were all equally hypocritical everything would be fine.’

The day before a generic Muslim had argued that since Jews are protected in European countries from being offended, then Muslims should be granted the same right. A generic Hindu felt outraged that such protections are always granted to monotheists but nobody cares about the feelings of polytheists. A generic Buddhist expressed similar opinions. A generic Jew agreed with all of them, saying he or she didn’t want special treatment. A generic liberal was more than happy to go along, and apologised for any offences that other liberals might have caused…