Greenfield: If You Lose Weight, You’re Destroying the Planet

In 2011, a study claimed that losing weight could help save the planet from the Flying Global Warming Monster…

…Science spoke. And only a bunch of ignorant mouth-breathing troglodytes who don’t follow Neil deGrasse Tyson on Twitter would dare to disagree.

But no wait. Apparently losing weight does cause Global Warming.

Despite a worldwide obsession with diets and fitness regimes, many health professionals cannot correctly answer the question of where body fat goes when people lose weight, a new study shows. The most common misconception among doctors, dieticians and personal trainers is that the missing mass has been converted into energy or heat. The correct answer is that most of the mass is breathed out as carbon dioxide and goes into thin air.

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  • Drunk_by_Noon

    This is a joke, right?
    Please tell me this is a joke!

    • We never joke!

      • Drunk_by_Noon

        Joking is serious business!

  • ontario john

    And of course in the National Post website we have a story about the Pope coming out with a major statement warning us about climate change. Yes with islam killing and enslaving Christians, China with a new persecution of Christians, etc. the Pope has joined the other mainstream churches in concentrating on left wing agendas.

    • My jaw dropped when I read that. Bring back the Borgia’s!

  • Lloyd Snauwaert

    Who knew that Fat Bastard was a model of carbon sequestration..?..

    • dance…dancetotheradio

      Leave Libby Davies Alone!

    • Jason

      AKA (ahem) Fart Bastard?

  • Xavier

    So is someone going to pay me for sequestering CO2?

    • dance…dancetotheradio

      No, but you will get offsets for the extra gasoline you use when you drive.

  • Uncle_Waspy

    Well well….this is great news for the obese angry celibate/lesbo-by-default Birkenstock gals! They’ve been saving the environment this whole time by sitting on their fat asses – who knew?

  • So… fat is causing global warming?

    (sarcasm function disabled)

  • J. C.

    Sweet Jesus… *facepalm*