Ancient Jews Conspired To Legitimize Modern Settlements – humour

Ancient Jewish mosaic in Israel Museum

Shiloh, Occupied West Bank, December 24 – Archaeologists have unearthed a vast conspiratorial effort by ancient Israelites to make Jews living in Palestine 3,000 years later look indigenous, scholars are reporting.

Over the last century and a half, diggers have discovered a plethora of artifacts, structures, texts, and other ancient relics of Israelites putting together and conducting a civilization just to undermine the later, more legitimate claim that Muslims have to Palestine. The results were so convincing, in fact, that other ancient peoples took for granted that the Israelites – later known as Jews – were actually connected to the land they inhabited.

The result in modern times, say the scholars, is that millions of Jews have “returned” to Palestine with claim based largely on that ancient conspiracy, as if all the artifacts, structures, texts, and other evidence of Jewish civilization actually represents a civilization that predates the arrival of Palestinians.

“I cannot help but admire the ingenuity of it all,” says Bir Zeit University archaeologist Dahab Diggr. “In order to undermine the future entity of Palestine, Jews of the second millennium BCE and onward developed a language, culture, political structure, religion, agriculture, commerce, towns, cities, and even armies. The clever ruse made it seem even to contemporary observers as if those Jews had developed an actual civilization, when in fact the whole time it was all just a conspiracy to deprive Palestinians of the pedigree necessary to make an exclusive claim to the land”…