Note: This is satire. (For now…)
Dreadlocked Emma Bradford, aka Trouser, said: “I’ve been able to get a series of jobs, nothing fancy admittedly and mostly in organic cafes but still I’m consistently being treated like a normal, unremarkable person.
“Which I’m not, obviously, because I’ve got unusual hair and a rusty van with pictures of animals on it. Also I can stay upright on a unicycle for up to three minutes at a time.”