Because it’s a slow news day…

…and I imagine (hope?) you’re all a little sick of looking at that horrible old fat guy’s metal-clad mini-penis.

This is pretty:

I agree with Piers Morgan about something. So now I have to kill myself.

Attention magicians! The U.S government needs you to have a disaster plan for your rabbit, “detailing all the steps (you) would take to help get (your) rabbit through a disaster, such as a tornado, fire, flood, etc. They not only want to know how (you) will protect (your) rabbit during a disaster, but also what (you) will do after the disaster, to make sure (your) rabbit gets cared for properly”.

No word yet on doves.

In other animal news, it is now apparent that there is a place where  innocent Japanese children are fed to evil seals. Why were we not warned?