RCMP Arrests Two In Thwarted Quilt Attack

Ottawa, April 23, 2013– Today, the RCMP arrested two individuals and charged them with conspiring to carry out a terrorist attack against a VIA passenger train. The accused have been charged under sections 2482, 2351 (1), 83.2, 83.18, 83.21 of the Criminal Code of Canada. As a result of extensive collaborative efforts, the RCMP was able to disrupt the threat early. While the RCMP believed that these individuals had the capacity and intent to carry out these criminal acts, there was no imminent threat to the general public, quilters or infrastructure.

The two accused, Jacob Bartsch and Joshua Enns, who live in the Montreal and Toronto area were conspiring to carry out a terrorist attack against a VIA passenger train. Charges include conspiring to carry out an attack against, and conspiring to make “comfy cozy”, persons unknown for the benefit of, at the direction of, or in association with a terrorist group.

The RCMP wishes to point out that good relations with the Mennonite community lead to their receiving a tip uncovering the plot. Prior to announcement of the arrests, leading members of the Mennonite community were consulted by staff of the RCMP’s Mennonite Outreach Liaison Office. An RCMP spokesperson stressed that quilting is not restricted to the Mennonite community. A leading Mennonite community member expressed fear of societal backlash and stereotyping but assured the media that Radical Quilting is not taught at Mennonite Barn Raisings and that these individuals likely self-radicalized via the written word.

Everyone then busily engaged in mutual admiration until a reporter for the Taqiyya Times-Sentinel remarked that the Muslim community is never grossly over-congratulated for doing what any normal citizen would in reporting an imminent act of terror. Nor, the reporter noted, is the Muslim community ever consulted prior to the announcement of terror related arrests. The Muslim community, it is said, are fed up with Mennonites and their constant denial that Radical Quilting is endemic to their religious and cultural milieu. “I just find it bizarre that so much special treatment is accorded one group over all others for a very real, very persistent problem, that is consistently denied to even exist.” stated the reporter.