Marie Auma, outside Central London County Court during hearing of her case against Met Police. Photo by Paul Keogh 07914 583 378

Obama’s British Cousin Launches £400,000 Fart Suit

A cousin of Barack Obama is suing Scotland Yard for £400,000 after claiming colleagues would deliberately pass wind at her desk to make her life a misery.

Marie Auma says police officers and Met staff conspired to bully her, including two who would regularly break wind near her while working at Southwark Police Station.

  • Clink9

    How dare you break wind before me!

  • Martin B

    Four hundred thousand pound fine for felonious flatulence?

    Somehow I suspect it was cousin Marie who was making her colleague’s lives miserable.

  • moraywatson

    Scotland Yard spokesman has responded, wanting to clear the air, saying “Pre-diversity training we would have offered to break bread with her, but now being culturally sensitized we thought the farting thing would be better at making her feel at home.” Following up, he remarked, “And anyhow, have you seen the price of a whoopee cushion these days?!”

  • Blacksmith

    Maybe they were trying to clear the air in the area.

  • tom_billesley

    Farts are protected speech.
    We cannot discriminate between orifices.

  • AlanUK

    IANAL, but …
    In a civil case she only has to establish her case on a balance of probabilities. Not the criminal law “beyond reasonable doubt” (current wording is different but has a similar effect).
    She may succeed. Whether she will get her £400,000 is not up to her to say. The Court decides the award. She MIGHT get £1 and have to pay her costs. Equally, if she looses she might have to pay the Police costs (as well as her own).
    In these kinds of action the defendants often give way, however strong their case, because it is cheaper to settle out of Court. Sad.

  • Xavier

    I fart in your general direction. What? Someone had to say it.

  • Norman_In_New_York

    It would take Howard Stern to do this story justice.

    • Xavier

      Or John Boy and Billy on The Big Show.

  • WalterBannon

    maybe her co-workers were offended by the stench that emanates from the folds between her unwashed rolls of fat

  • Justin St.Denis

    In the immortal words of Marc Bolan, “Life’s a Gas”.

    • dance…dancetotheradio

      In the words of the Sex Pistols, Belsen Was A Gas.