Iran Using Your Mom’s Matza Dense Balls To Protect Centrifuges – satire

If they can pull this off, the Islamic Republic will be sitting pretty, knowing they can protect sensitive facilities from almost any foreign airborne threat

Tehran, April 5 – Israeli military intelligence officials cited reports today that Iran is attempting to shield its uranium-enrichment centrifuges from attack by surrounding them with one of the heaviest, densest materials known to man, your mother’s matza balls.

General Marak Ohf of AMAN, Israel’s military intelligence apparatus, addressed a cabinet meeting this morning with members of the outgoing caretaker government. General Ohf detailed a number of the main points from agents and electronic interceptions, of which the main concern is Iran’s efforts to shield its nuclear weapons program from attack; immunity from military moves is likely to render any effort to deter Iran from atomic weapons development futile. The general described the matza ball deployment and distribution, and outlined several possible scenarios, none of them ideal from Israel’s perspective.

If confirmed, the use of your mother’s dumplings poses a formidable challenge to any nations seeking to destroy the facilities by air, as the substance has been known to withstand considerable force. A properly constructed armored facility that incorporates her matza balls will be all but indestructible, according to Ken Eidlach, a consultant with the military journal Jane’s…